Moving forward

Beowulf came home from training last week, and it has been great to have him home. Sometimes when he's gone I don't realize just how much I missed him until he's back and I can tell him all the things I wanted to tell him and just lean my head on his shoulder and hug him whenever I want.

I'm officially second trimester now, and it's starting to look like the nausea might be subsiding a bit. Thank goodness. Not that it's gone completely or anything, but I've noticed that I'm hungrier and that more things are starting to sound good - good, healthy things like fresh fruit and vegetables are no longer making my stomach churn. Hopefully that will continue to improve and I can start eating like a normal person again soon.

After today, only 2 more days of work left. Thursday is my last day. I'm looking forward to it, but it also feels a little bit weird; the idea of not working or getting my own paycheck anymore. But I am very much looking forward to having the time to clean up and organize things at home before the baby comes. That is an opportunity that I am very grateful for.

I have felt the baby kick or move 3 times now. Once last Thursday, once Sunday, and once yesterday. That's more that I expected to feel it yet, but I'm grateful for it. Having not had an ultrasound yet, it's very reassuring to feel the little movements and know that they mean the baby is alive and healthy enough to be kicking or punching me from the inside. I was a little surprised; I've read that most women don't feel their first baby until around 16 weeks or even later. I am glad that I am so conscious of my body and was able to feel it a couple of weeks earlier. Such a blessing.

Oh my gosh!

I just felt the baby move!

I was feeling better today - first time in 2 weeks I haven't felt like barfing all day, so I had a coke with lunch. The caffeine and the sugar must have gotten the baby excited, because it's turning somersaults in my lower abdomen, and I can feel it!

Amazing.

Back at work

I'm back at work today, though my stomach is still a little iffy. I called the nurse last week and got some tips and tricks, some of which work and some of which seem to make little difference. I'm still rather wishing I could be home resting and relaxing and taking it easy on my stomach, but then I kind of feel guilty for not being there when I'm supposed to be there. What I really need to do is sit down with them and talk about when I'm actually leaving this job. I think knowing that will help. Probably not with the nausea, but it may help my motivation, perhaps.

In good news, Beowulf is almost done with training, and will be home soon. Yay! I think I've been missing his hugs more than anything else, with how sick I've been, but it was nice to hear his voice the other morning when he got to call, after not hearing from him for 3 or so weeks. And he's so happy about this baby - as happy as I am. He was nervous at first (we tried so long and had friends who have had trouble and/or miscarriages, so he didn't want to get his hopes up), but now that it looks like everything's going fine, I can hear his excitement and enthusiasm every time he talks about it. I love my husband so much.

UPDATE: I talked to one of my bosses this afternoon. It looks like I'm only going to be here for another couple of weeks. Not even through the end of the month. Yay for finally having an end date to look forward to.

Morning Sickness

According to pretty much all the books I have, morning sickness is supposed to start giving way to hunger somewhere around the end of the first trimester. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be happening for me; instead, it's getting worse. I have hardly been able to keep anything down these last 3-4 days. It really really sucks. Especially since I hate throwing up more than almost anything else in the world. Mom tried to reassure me that at least being sick means the baby's probably fine, but for goodness sakes; I need to be able to keep some food in me. And, if I'm ever going to work again (I've taken yesterday and today off due to being absolutely miserable), I need to be able to survive the 1.5 hour bus ride. And I also need to be able to make it through doing the dishes without gagging every 5 seconds. Especially without having Beowulf home for me to beg to do them instead.

It snowed here last night. Not much; just about a half-inch. It doesn't normally snow here in February, and it'll be gone by this afternoon. But for now it looks pretty.

I'm also excited about the current giveaway going on at Trying Our Best. The Mrs. is giving away a 4-disk pack of Hushabye Baby lullabies...this is my fave bloggy giveaway recently, since it is something I could actually use. Here's hoping I win!

Adjusting

I'm starting to actually feel pregnant - I mean, besides the morning sickness. I'm now wearing exclusively maternity pants. While I'm not really big enough yet to fill out the stretchy tummy-covering waist band, they still manage to stay up (mostly), and they're way more comfortable than doing the rubber-band-through-the-buttonhole thing with my old pants. I'm also definitely sticking out more in front than on the sides; I can tell that give it another month or so and I will actually look pregnant and not just fat, even to people that don't know me. I've even noticed that the way I walk is starting to change a little bit, besides just slowing down. And my lower back gets sore easier - once the nausea is gone, I should see what I can do about strengthening those muscles, because that's only going to get worse.

Since I'm finally past the 12-week mark, I finally let myself actually buy something for the baby yesterday. I got a cute little newborn yellow classic pooh footed pjs at Target while I was killing time waiting for the video store to open so I could exchange a movie. I'm also thinking about setting up the bassinet that Mom & Dad gave me, even though I originally wanted to wait for Beowulf to get home from training before I did that.

Of course, every time I think about that, I start thinking about all the other stuff I need to do this spring/summer to prepare for baby, some of which has to be done before we even go buy a crib or rocker or anything. Things like getting rid of the futon that is currently in the room that will become the nursery, and clearing the rest of Beowulf's old military gear (stuff he doesn't use anymore) out of that room's closet, trading out the cedar chests (small one currently in the bedroom with the big one in the baby's room), and possibly finding a new place for my sewing machine.

I'd also like to get some of the junk cleaned out of the garage before Beowulf deploys, hook up the extra TV/DVD player in the bedroom (not sure why I haven't done that already), clean out the back garden so that we can grow tomatoes again this year, change out the light fixtures in both hallways (the bulbs these use burn out in 2 weeks, I swear), and maybe even get Beowuf and some of his buddies to help build the fence on the side yard that we've been intending to re-do since we moved in last year.

Learning

I'm figuring things out, gradually. I've figured out (thanks to yesterday's misadventures) that walking fast makes my nausea worse, and so one of the easiest ways to control nausea when I'm on the move is to slow down. I tend to be a fast walker, so this has the potential to become frustrating for me when I want to get somewhere, and was also not the easiest thing to figure out. But now I know, and I will work on it. I already knew about keeping something in my stomach, but certain things work and certain things don't, and it's kind of a matter of experimentation to figure out what works, as it seems to change daily. But I'm also learning that protein (i.e., meat) helps combat my nausea a little better than do breads or fruits and veggies.

I am very glad that this week is only a 3-day work week. I heart rest and relaxation, especially when I'm starting to feel a little off-balance. I went and bought a pair of maternity "lounge" pants at Old Navy during lunch today that can pass as slacks so that I can wear them to work. All my other pants are getting snug, especially when I sit, which I do most of the day. And anything snug around my stomach makes me more nauseous. I couldn't resist changing into my new pants on my break, and am soooo much more comfortable now than I was before. Yay for knit pants that look like slacks! I may have to go back and get another pair in another color.

My emotions are back under control again (thank goodness), but I am still tired today. Part of it is that the spouse's event I went to last night went kind of late - it was after 10 before I got home. It was fun, though. I couldn't eat as much as I would have liked due to being mildly nauseous all freaking day, but I enjoyed what I could get down, and even found myself liking the cheesecake, something I normally don't like all that much.

I've also noticed that some things that I used to love (milk, crackers, garlic bread, and yogurt, to name a few) I can't stand anymore. And some things that I was never all that thrilled with (cheesecake, lemonade, and popcorn, for example) I now love. Hormones are crazy in all the things they can do to a person.

Hard day

For no reason I can figure out, I am having a rough day today. My nausea has been worse than usual; I actually threw up into the sidewalk grate on my way to work this morning. I ate a bagel, and have now also eaten a muffin, and while I have not thrown up again, my nausea has not gone away, by any means. I am tired and grumpy, everything seems to smell funny (including the beautiful flowers my bosses provided as a valentine's gift to the support staff), and my emotions are out of control. I mean, I'm just sitting here, working on stuff, and feeling like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment, for no reason.

I wish I could go home and hug my husband, but he's away for training right now, working his butt off, so that's not an option. I'm also supposed to go to a spouses event tonight, which is supposed to be a ton of fun - I am praying that I can get over this nausea and this mood by this afternoon/evening so that I can enjoy myself and not spend the evening sick and miserable.

I am grateful to be pregnant - incredibly, eternally grateful. I just wish it didn't have to be so difficult some days.